Summer break never lives up to my expectations.
I guess I should rephrase that. Summer is great, but I get so caught up in
summer break I forget all my well-laid plans.
Every April, I start dreaming about all the awesome, organized, restful,
adventurous things I hope to accomplish and then about mid-July, I start feeling
summer slipping through my fingers. I’ll
be back at school in a few short weeks, with months to endure before the next
summer break. It’s a vicious cycle,
really. I plan big, but enjoy being lazy...I
mean restful.
One of the most important plans forgotten is the planned
morning devotion, reading, studying, praying time. When I dream about summer, I just know I’ll get up with the sun, before my
kids wake, and spend some peaceful time in the Word. Just me, my bible, my journal, and my trusty pen.
Oh, and coffee. Like one sweet pictorial
representation of devotional perfection.
Break hits and real-life hits and nothing is as I dreamed. Totally my fault, though. When I don’t have to wake up at 5:30 am to get ready for work, suddenly I’m regressing
to sophomore year of college and staying up way too late. But 37 feels a lot different than 20. For
real. Late nights equal sleeping in
until my morning-loving children bust out of their bedrooms.
Too late for my idyllic, kid-free devotional time. Sigh.
I settle, and I use that word strongly, for squeezing in
time with God during my unorganized days.
I read a couple of verses here and there, a chapter or two in a book, a
quick devotional, or a blog post. Rarely
do I sit and really digest what I’m reading. Instead I’m content to do the bare minimum just to say I did it.
Lately this has been weighing heavily on me as I’ve noticed
I’m not as patient and not as kind as I should be, especially to those closest
to me. James 4:8 tells us that if we
draw near to God, he will draw near to us. The truth is, I haven’t been doing
my part and as I hurry through my scripture reading and prayer time, I’m not
being fully devoted to God. During the
school year, God is a priority, but in the summer He sometimes becomes an
afterthought as I focus too much on myself, my fun, my rest, and my needs. Me, me, me.
I hate that.
When my identity is no longer intertwined with Christ, I am a shadow of who I should be. I make
myself an idol.
In the first chapter of The Fruitful Life, by Jerry Bridges,
he hits the reader hard with some truth.
He writes that, “devotion to God is the only acceptable motive for
actions that are pleasing to God.” It
begs the question, am I self-centered or am I God-centered? What motivates my
actions. It causes some pretty intense
soul searching. He goes on to write:
So
often we try to develop Christian character and conduct without taking the time
to develop God-centered devotion. We try
to please God without taking the time to walk with Him and develop a relationship
with Him. This is impossible to do.
Ouch.
This summer I haven’t been devoted. Instead, I’ve been going
through the motions and checking off lists.
I’ve been too lazy.
Conviction is painful, but also awesome. It’s God seeking me out to bring me back to
Him and I plan on doing just that. The Lord tells us when we seek Him, we will
find Him, when we look for him with all our heart (Jeremiah 29:13).
This is how
I’ll seek Him.
Make Him a
priority.
I may be great about giving God my monetary tithe, but am I
good with freely giving him my time? Am I careful to devote time to him to both
talk and listen? Making Him a priority means putting my self and my time to the side in order to focus on Him. But really, everything is His anyway so I'm just giving it back. From that perspective it is less burdensome to spend time with Him.
Quiet time in the
Word, without distractions.
Being devoted to God comes from a relationship with
Him. Relationships grow when we spend
one-on-one time with someone and the same is true with our relationship with
God. I will make an effort to get up early, before the kids, and focus on Him.
Thinking and
praying about what I study.
While devotion comes from a relationship with God, relationship
comes from prayer and scripture study. How
do I know Him better if I don’t take time to really study Him and spend time
with Him? For me, I try to highlight and journal as much as possible so I can pinpoint what stands out for me that particular day. It's also a point of reference when I pray and listen.
None of this will be without giving on my part, but isn't that the point? Emptying myself in order to be filled by Him is the ultimate goal.
What about you? Has God been convicting you about your time with him? Do you desire devotion?